Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
