The maid of honor just puked.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
