This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
