Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Say something about gay babies.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
