my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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