first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
