when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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