well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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