Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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