Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
please come you make the beer taste better
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
