Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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