He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
