he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
