Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
