Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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