I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
