You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
