So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Someone came in the potted fern
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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