one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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