i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
