i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
