The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
