Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just pynch a tree in the face
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
