Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
