It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
