Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
