Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
