I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
