I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
