I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dignity is for republicans.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I need to calm my uterus...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
