I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Randomize
