I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
