Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
