So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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