I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
