I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
