Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
nutella sex= disaster
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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