Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
