I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
