I just pynch a tree in the face
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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