last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
