So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
