A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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