the condom got lost in my hair
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
