I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
