i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
