Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
