Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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