barbara walters just said penis...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
