so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
