I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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