Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
