That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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